Submission

I think that when most of us see the word "submission" we get an immediate gut check.  Out of any kind of context, it's a negative word.  And to "those who are perishing" The Word's words on this subject may evoke some really nasty feelings.  But only because it's so terribly misunderstood.

Funny story I tell on myself.  When I first began to seek the Lord and be in The Word, I was reading in Ephesians, 1 Corinthians, Colossians, 1st Peter and elsewhere about "wives and husbands".  I had not yet met Ron, was independent and proud of it, but was praying that God would bring a godly man into my life.  I'd been a single mom for 12 years and I needed help finishing raising my kids.  They were quite the handful at the time.  And I was lonely for male companionship.  Anyway, I was coming across all these scriptures about wives needing to be "submissive" to their husbands.  Ya, ya...it said stuff about the husbands "loving" their wives, but that whole submission thing was a little much for me.  So, I took my yellow highlighter and began crossing out those verses.  Yep, just crossed 'em out.  I even wrote, "what nonsense" next to them.  Angry, divorced woman went nuts with her highlighter.  Internal dialogue was something like, "Sorry, God, you got this one W-R-O-N-G.  It's an OLD book with outdated ideas about the roles of men and women in marriage.  Surely if the bible were written TODAY, this is NOT how You would have ordained it.  Old, outdated information."  Please keep in mind, I was just a baby Christian.  I thought I was pretty smart, savvy and in tune with what being a Christian was about.  Hm.

In the almost 9 years I've been married and 12 years of being a Christian, my thinking has certainly changed.  I'm picturing my non-christian girlfriends reading this now and going..."Oh boy...here it comes...think it's time to shut this down."  Please don't.  Hear me out.

A non-christian friend at work recently asked me what the whole submission thing was about.  She'd been to a wedding shower where there were a lot of "religious people".  The subject of submission came up and one Christian woman said to the young bride-to-be, "Christian wives must submit to their husbands."  As she told me this, my friend got that look on her face that made her look like she'd just taken a bite of something bitter and tart.  But she was ASKING!  And I saw before me an opportunity to share my faith and to show this friend what God's beautiful plan for marriage really looks like. 

The first thing that came out of my mouth was that she needed to understand what submission means in God's eyes.  And basically, in a 45 minute discussion, what God gave me to give her was this:  In a Christian marriage, where the Lord is First and Foremost, and the husband is following the Lord to the best of his abilities, then why would I fear submitting to this godly man?  If this man's first priority is the Lord God Almighty, if this man is seeking God's wisdom, courage, grace and mercy, if this man prayerfully considers all decisions and has MY best interests at heart, then why would I not want to submit to that authority with alacrity?  It's a win-win situation.  I also explained that being submissive does not mean being a doormat, and that most decisions in Christian households are mutually arrived upon.  I admitted that submission is not always easy and that sometimes it's almost impossible based on where I am with God.  My flesh cries out for recognition and advancement and submission is sometimes a daily fight.  I tried very hard not to get "religious" on her because I know that's an immediate door-shutter.  She listened.  As I spoke, I prayed that God would give her ears to hear what HE had to say on the subject.  I also explained that husbands and wives are submissive to one another and that that was the beauty of mutual submission--we prayerfully consider each other as more important than ourselves and love sacrificially.  And that THAT kind of love produces all kinds of really awesome responses and feelings. 

I must be very honest and say that I continue to struggle with complete submission to my husband.  He's flawed, sometimes irreverent, and battles many demons of his own.  And I can say that exact sentence about myself.  And I've admitted before that I'm a manipulator and withholder-of-love-and-affection if Ron doesn't perform to my expectations.  And I'm WORKING so hard on that.  Because I really and truly HATE that about myself.  But in the last couple years of my marriage, God has shown me what this particular kind of love looks like and He's extended me so much mercy and grace while I fumble along and screw up.  And that same mercy and grace should be Ron's from ME as he fumbles along and screws up. 

So while the word "submission" sounds out-of-date, old fashioned and just plain scary, the truth is that when it's done in faith to a man who loves Jesus, it's about the most extreme expression of love and trust there is.  If you know me at all, you know I've battled with my feminist leanings as I've grown in the Lord.  I don't for one minute feel I'm a doormat, a lesser person, a thing of no consequence.  I am a bride of Christ, He lives in me and that makes me pretty damn special.  I do not feel like I've given up anything in understanding my role as a wife.  Quite the opposite...I've expanded my horizons hugely.  And Ron has taught me sooooooo much!

Ron has amazed me and humbled me.  He has soared the heights lately and been my rescuer and comforter in some very difficult situations.  He has taken up the mantle of leadership and absolutely WOWED me.  Now there's a guy I can entrust my heart, mind, soul and body to.  But the secret here is that I learn to love him even when he backslides and reverts.  I get very scared when that Ron shows up, but I trust that God will continue to point us both toward Him--thereby taking the focus off of each other while we mutually submit to a God that is truly concerned about marriage.