Is divorce ever okay among Christians? The Bible says that infidelity is certainly a good enough reason. And I think most would agree that an abusive situation would also qualify as a reason for ending a marriage. Be it physical, emotional, or psychological abuse, they're all good enough reasons to hit the road if professional or spiritual remedies haven't been sought or worked.
I know a couple in deep trouble. And I believe each of them is equally responsible for the shape their marriage is in. But I also believe that if they seek help, it can and will work. With God, ALL things are possible. But this marriage hasn't known the Lord in any kind of consistent way. They've dabbled in it. And I've noticed that when they dabble in it, their marriage improves noticeably. But the spiritual awakening needed in this marriage has never taken root. I certainly do not judge them or fault them. Young marrieds are generally so busy just trying to stay afloat with all the junk that life brings that the spiritual realm is not properly fleshed out and experienced. And, it doesn't help that these precious young people weren't really raised in a Christian environment. There was certainly exposure to it on both sides, but never any depth experienced. So, they need to learn it. And they need to start from scratch. Each of them must take ownership of their failures, selfishness, and unwillingness to love sacrificially. Ron and I had to do that in order to get this marriage back on track. It wasn't easy, but we did it. And we continue to do it. We always will because our "flesh" is constantly at war with our Spirit.
To any couple experiencing the possibility of divorce I would urge you to please seek help. Get to a pastor who will ask the right questions, and make you accountable for your actions and non-actions. Surround yourself with Christian community who will also "be there" for you and hold you accountable. No excuses. You cannot make this work on your own. You're on the brink. If you truly want this marriage to last; if you truly want your children to never experience the heartache and devastation of divorce then you must seek help. And probably most important of all, be willing to take a hard look at yourself and make the necessary changes. You cannot change your spouse, but you can change YOU. Be willing to look at what you've done to destroy the love, inhibit the spirit, and doom the union. Stop looking at your mate as the reason for the failure. Look at yourself -- because you're at least half the problem.
In return, and in time, I know that you will experience a love so dramatically different, so powerfully deep and so incredibly huge that you will bow in awe to The One who called you to this union. I know this to be true. You are God's gift to each other. And His gifts surely should not be rejected. My heart swells with joy and awe at what God has done in my own heart regarding my marriage. I am eternally grateful for what God abolished in me and replaced it with. It's better than anything I could have come up with on my own or in my own will. His ways are simply better.
If you do not seek help, your marriage is doomed to more of the same. Do you really want that? And if you think you can do it on your own...well...you're fooling yourselves. Been there; done that. You can't. And if you cannot see submitting your marriage to God, ask yourself this: have you done any better of a job on your own? Has your own way worked? Give your Creator a try. He's standing ready.
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