It's a glorious struggle

I'm a journal-er.  I've done it for the past 40 years of my life.  And recently I was reading through them.  I discovered that I tended to write more when I was struggling through some life event.  And one huge life-event I've been involved with for the last 8 years has been my second marriage.  It has been the most blessed and brutal time of my life.  Even more brutal than my nasty, contentious, grueling divorce from Husband Number 1 (HN1).  So, to follow through on my thought...I've journaled quite a bit over the last eight years--since I tend to journal when things are bad.  And so my thoughts are that someone just HAS to benefit from my experiences.  They cannot have been for nothing.

It's amazing that I'm still married.  Most people would not have remained in this situation.  No, he doesn't beat me, drink heavily or do anything overtly damaging.  He's a wounded man.  I'm a wounded woman.  And together our wounds add up to something that would have bled most marriages to death.  But, by the Grace of God, we're still married, still hanging on for dear life and still committed to making this work.

My marriage would probably have ended within the first 3 months if not for a couple of key people and circumstances.  First of all, at the time, I was part of an accountability group (AG)--three women (including myself) who met once a week to build one another up, confess our sins, and soak in the Word.  Yes, I am a Christian.  A young one, comparatively speaking.  I've only been a believer for slightly longer than I've been married.  These friends held me together in times of intense distress.  They helped me put one foot in front of the other when all I wanted to do was backslide, hide or run the opposite direction.  When I think back on what I put those ladies through, I am amazed they are still my friends. :O)  My pastor and his wife were also key to preserving this marriage.  So, that's the setting for the story ahead.  If you're a "believer" in Christ, I hope these words don't shock you--because the story takes turns that aren't very "christian".  And if you're not a believer in anything "God", then I hope this story will help you to rethink that.  Because, without God, I'd be divorced and utterly without a tremendous story of redemption to tell.